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What do you see for yourself?
When I think about what I am and what I want and the expression of it, there are certain glimpses which seem to occur, almost pictures of the kind of figure I am, want to be, or want to further manifest or enhance being. The reason I am thinking about this is because I am sorting out numerous orders of books. These books I may order are on a satiety of topics of interest and of various styles, yet I am restricted by several factors in their purchase and I am trying to drastically reduce their number from 650 or more. This whole process is one of an examination of my character and practice, and what I want and where I want to go with any of these studies. It may seem to some a silly exploration around a greedy Amazon order, but I am making it quite enlightening. This is also a consolidation of various diverse sets or themes related to certain groupings of materials for study.

I even have a pretty good idea of what I am and who I am, almost entirely, and all my art is largely a reminder of that and all I try to study is meant to provide me with greater means, tools, and vocabulary to express that.

I will tell you all about it, but I would like you to explore this as well, down to how you want to look and appear, and how you look and appear now and why you do, from hair to clothing or anything else. I would like to see the fullest exploration possible.

Sorting these books, clothes, jewelry, and instruments has been painstaking. Instruments which are hard on the fingers or likely to cause calluses I am eliminating. I added the instruments because a sound fx modeller unit was on sale and I wanted to test them out but now it increased in price. I think about the awkwardness of playing some of these things and I think no, haha, it is hard to even imagine me consistently doing it. I make music though, but whatever I do, I'd prefer innovative and easier ways to go about achieving the desired ends.

Right now, because of a yearning to complete these orders but being delayed and obstructed there is a great deal of frustration and a feeling of wanting to yell or cry due to the strain and struggle of an irritating and overwhelming task, having to guess at what might help me the most, all the while knowing it is practically irrelevant in many ways, since generally these things can scarcely be communicated besides most others not even caring. For what even? The idea behind it must be one determined to become increasingly undeniable, having every way to convince people of whatever or is I wish to demonstrate.

I express these meditations in writing so that I may examine them later while also benefitting firstly from the practice of formulating them and organizing them for clear expression, and so that others may benefit as well potentially from adopting beneficial aspects of these suggested thinking processes and practices.

What the people of the world often seem to suffer from are befuddled and unclear minds, unpracticed at expressing ideas even to themselves, so left with a haze of obscure sensations and immediate desires that go untraced to their potential origins and sometimes sublimated into strange obsessions and passions.

I am also under the perhaps false superstition that people might naturally sense or receive some semblance of an impression of what I am, even upon seeing me, but shun the thought or even the possibility of any such thing existing, let alone to be in their presence. Yet, I do what I do which makes it quite clear that I am what I say because it is simply what I do. I am not what I don't do. I don't kill people so I am not a murderer in its usual usage.

What I do, and have done since I was a child, is advise people on matters and express certain teachings in order to solve problems or help people. This I do with no particular joy, but seems to be some sort of constant in my behavior, seemingly stemming from a desire to take some action towards making my life and environment and overall world a better and happier and more pleasant and beautiful place. I have also taught things in ways that are entertaining and humorous, and once again this is out of no particular fondness for humanity or their applause, as I harbor and often reveal a great deal of displeasure towards what they say, do, think, and promote, besides how they look and dress, and all the hatefulness surrounding them and seeming to come forth from them as well.

What I am firstly, or how I feel, and not entirely regrettably or in a woeful reminiscence, is alone. Alone in every regard, unable to communicate, completely closed off from all life.
That is what I see philosophy as mostly - radical problem solving.
Words are greater than we.
For my stories I decided on an easy solution where I am able to ahistorically combine things or use things that I would like to without ethnicity based necessities that people tend to demand if some idea is reflected prominently in some culture. That literary solution was to place everything on a single but alternative fantasy world where there are vast apparent similarities in various cultural developments but the world is cosmopolitan and the cultural tendencies and styles somehow developed in unison rather than in distinct packets (which seems unlikely but who cares). A nifty little way to basically say and make up whatever I want which may take from or have the semblance of any theme from any culture on Earth. There are also somehow no distinct regions or environments.

I also have a number of filters or restrictions which I filter my ideas through, for example there being no violence. These are kinds of challenges I pose myself in order to develop more sophisticated stories or pieces of art.
I was saying this morning that philosophers are best viewed as 'artists of ideas', they frame reality in a context and produce an over all picture.
Words are greater than we.
Fantastic description and quote! Really wonderful!
Well said Ontical, couldn't agree more. Simply put and to the point.

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